The sun rises in the darkness.

I’m trying a different method in my life. One that’s not new but is new to my train of thoughts. Positive thinking.

Last night I couldn’t sleep. I lay there listening to my anxiety ticking in my ears, mind and eventually through my entire body so I gave into it again and climbed down the stairs defeated once again. I felt absolutely awful because today’s my fiancés birthday and I wanted so badly to be at my best so we could celebrate together. I cried so hard. Possibly because amongst the shelter of the still-dark-and-silent morning, I knew I could release without worrying or disturbing anyone. I’m so sick and tired of my anxiety ruining everything and anything that’s good in my life so at 3am this morning, I tried to turn it around.

I had a shower. One of those long, hot and steamy showers everyone loves but never seems to get because of life and time. I paid attention to the water flowing down my face and washing down to my toes. It’s been so long since I enjoyed a shower.

Afterwards I dug (quietly) the box of party supplies we have in the cupboard-under-the-stairs and decorated our home in banners and balloons for Nick. I’m so thankful that even though my anxiety cripples me and I have agoraphobia to contend with, we still have a thriving social life and LOVE hosting parties so there’s loads to choose from! I can’t wait til he wakes up.

Once I was done, I curled up on the sofa in our conservatory with the dog, cat and my morning coffee (one of many today!) to watch the sunrise. I’m and do glad I did because the sunrise was absolutely astonishing today. I forgot how beautiful the mornings are.

Less than 4 hours ago, I was a broken mess crying into my sleeve in between bursts of panic attacks, now I’m still sitting in my conservatory basking in the sun feeling so refreshed and content. I need to do this more often.

For now, I’m going to await my beloved and play Fortnite.

Today started horrendous and although I’ll be exhausted later, I turned it around. So today, I’m extra thankful for the sunrise, my fur babies, shower and copious amounts of coffee. Today will be a good day.

Here’s a couple of images to help get you through

C 💕

I’ll forever be in debt for these two. I’d be lost without their company, understanding and straight up cuteness in my life. Belle the dog and Yuna the cat.